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I'm not here to help....

On my path to becoming a coach, the most important thing I’ve learned is what came to me in one session:

“You are not here to help”

My intuitive voice was so clear but it confused me.

Wait isn’t that what I do as a coach, as a friend, as a human?

I was logging into the zoom call with a client I’d been working with for awhile when I heard it: “You are not here to help”

And I thought oh, maybe we aren’t supposed to do a session today.

But I knew that wasn’t right and just heard again “you are not here to help”.


The client joined the zoom and we started like we normally do with me leading them through a grounding exercise (breathing/finding their center) and then asking what is coming up for them to share that day.

She shared, and while she was talking - instead of leaning into trying to figure out a solution or suggestions - I got curious about w

hat it looked like to not help.

To just be there holding space.

To provide a centered peaceful energy that came from my own journey of healing and self love.

To listen without agenda.

To relax my body, mind, heart and soul into not needing to help.

Into not seeing myself at the savior or the person with the answers.

To give that power back to her.

I already had a deep belief that my clients have everything they need. That they already know the answers, the next steps, the energetic response, they just needed support in finding it.

But I found that in my sessions I was still subtly trying to give them solutions because I still believed that I had to prove my worth to them as a coach, for them to pay me money, for me to believe I deserved it.

So in that session I tried out not helping. Just being there. Radiating love. Knowing that I’d be moved to share if there was something to share and not if there wasn’t.

And a most miraculous thing happened.

My client, in the love filled space I was holding, began to unravel a belief that was no longer true for her and replace it with what she wanted. I watched her create and open up to an “aha moment”. Every once in a while I’d add a word or sentence, when prompted, but she got to where she needed to get to.

Without my help.

But WITH my presence.

I have begun to understand that who I AM is what my clients come to me for (and what they’ve told me):

  • The heart peace they feel around me, that allows them to tap into their own peace.

  • The unconditional love they feel from me, that allows them to feel their own love.

  • The fact that I am unflappable no matter what “shameful” thing they may share with me, which allows them to begin to accept the parts of them they’ve felt shame about.

  • The healed space I provide, that gives them hope that they too can be healed.

  • The unshakeable belief I have (based on personal experience and those of my clients) that healing (on every level) is not only possible but within reach, so that they can begin to believe it too.

  • The tangible guidance I can provide when prompted that is based on real life experience that has time and again led to powerful outcomes, that they can try out.

I have found that I'm not here to help...but I am here to BE.

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